Shawn's Lily Morgan's James
by SoulfullyInclined
Summary: I don't own anyone. Contains cutting, abuse, drugs. *Life and quality of the story depends on the reviews*. *Please Leave More Than A 2 Word Review*. *Please Review*. *Be Nice/Kind*. Edited. *Thank you for reading/reviewing*
1. Morning

I woke up that morning at 6. It was Monday; yet another day of school was ahead of me. Besides Sierra, Charlotte and myself, no one else was in the small white trailer. That was because no one else lived there. And yes, I do mean _lived_. My dad had died awhile back. It was hard on my half brother Jack and I both but harder on me. Jack didn't really notice he just went about his business, as usual. Now that Dad was gone, I had to raise my sisters by myself. And possibly Sierra's daughter. Yeah, that's right; Sierra was pregnant as a result of rape. By, get this, our own father. God if that wasn't the most disgusting thing I'd ever heard.

I'd blown up at Sierra quite a few times since then. I tried not to, as I knew it wasn't good for the baby even if I didn't know anything else about raising kids. When I got angry I had a tendency to spin out of contorl and possibly cause physical damage. I didn't want to do that to Sierra, or her baby.

The woman my dad was married to wasn't our real mom. Her name was Verna and she came and went as she pleased, and abused Sierra. She hadnt come back in awhile. I was glad she was somewhere I didn't know. There was no way in hell anyone was hurting my sisters, either one of them. Charlotte was Elaine's daughter. Elaine, the woman that was my mom. I still had trouble accepting that and almost didn't want to. I still didn't know about Sierra's mom.

I heard people yelling at each other a few trailers over. It was hard to get a decent night's sleep here. But, this was home.

I heard the toilet flush and knew it wasn't just the normal, going-to-the-bathroom flush.

"Omygod," I heard Sierra whisper.

I sat bolt upright in my small twin bed.

"Shawn!" Sierra called, panicking.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and ran into the brown-orange bathroom. It wasn't a very far to run, as our trailer was small. Sierra was leaning over the white toilet, her thick black hair hanging down, pale. She looked up at me, fearful, tears in her brown eyes.

"Hey what's wrong?" I asked her kindly.

"Shawn I…..I hate to tell you this because I know we don't have the money, but I…….I……."

"It's ok Sierra. You can tell me anything."

"I'm sick. Really sick. I don't know what's wrong with me and I can barely eat but I know I need to and….."

_Oh Jesus_ I thought. I then remembered my vow to myself to try and not lose control.

I came closer to Sierra, took her black ponytail elastic from around her wrist where she had several cuts, and put her hair back with it so it wouldn't get in the way as she threw up. I made a note to myself to ask her about the cuts later.

I then wet a washcloth and put it against Sierra's forehead. She was really burning up.

"Sierra," I said.

"Yes?" she asked looking in the toilet water.

"I'm going to go check on Charlotte ok?"

She just nodded.

I went into my little sister Charlotte's bedroom and saw she was still asleep. Thank god. I then went into the kitchen/living room to see if the phone worked.

"Shit," I whispered when I realized we didn't have a phone.

I don't think anyone else in the trailer park did, either. I had no idea how I was going to call the doctor or how we were going to pay for it.

"Oh god. Shawn!" I heard Sierra call.

I went back into the bathroom and held her against me, the washcloth to her forehead. I thought about what to do. I could go over to Cory's and use their phone. The other problem was how I was going to pay for the appointment. I didn't know of any free clinics anywhere. I didn't have a job. And I didn't want to leave Sierra here, not when she was so sick. She needed me. I hated our dad for doing what he did to her but a part of me loved him because he was family. He died of a heart attack. I guess Sierra was glad he was gone and I understood why.

I heard a cough and saw Charlotte come into the bathroom. It was crowded with just 2 people but 3 made it even more crowded.

"Shawn," Charlotte said. I looked at her; "I think I'm sick."

Oh here we go.

"Cmere sweetie," Sierra said.

Charlotte walked over to Sierra, who felt her forehead. Sierra then looked up at me, worry and concern in her large brown eyes.

"Yeah she is," she told me.

A knock came on our front door.

"Come in," I called to whomever it was.

"Shawn," Sierra said; "the door is locked. Remember?"

"Oh yeah."

Ever since I heard about what happened to Sierra I always kept the door locked.

I shifted, letting my sisters know I had to answer the door. Sierra moved out of the way as I got up from the hard, uncomfortable, white tile bathroom floor. Sierra then leaned against the wall as I had been doing, with Charlotte in her lap.

I went to the door, unlocked it and opened it. There stood Morgan, Sierra's friend and Cory's sister, and Mrs. Matthews, Morgan and Cory's mom. I had slept in my clothes because sierra had been sick during the night.

"Hey," I greeted them.

They had some boxes with them.

"Come on in."

"Thanks," Morgan said.

"Hi Shawn," Mrs. Matthews said as they came in.

"Hi Amy hi Morgan," I said. Ever since Cory and Topanga's wedding, Mrs. Matthews had reminded me several times to call her Amy.

"We brought food," Morgan informed me.

They set the boxes down on the table in the front room.

"I'm sorry about the state of the house," I told them.

"It's fine," Morgan reassured me. "where's Sierra?"

"Bathroom."

Morgan went off to see Sierra.

Amy took the lid off one of the boxes; "refried beans," she told me. "where are the pans?"

"I'll get them."

I got a large sauce pan out from under the sink and handed it to her. She put it on the stove burner.

"I know this isn't the best breakfast food," she told me, as she lit the burner.

I went and brought the box of refried beans to her.

"It's alrite. Well take any food."

"How's Sierra?" she asked, starting to cook the beans.

"She got really sick this morning, for some reason. I don't know how we're going to pay for the doctor's appointment. We don't have the money and I don't have a job."

"Well, I could take her to Planned Parenthood. Sometimes they'll let low class families in for free. Morgan and I could."

"Really cuz that would be great."

"Oh sure no problem."

She stirred the beans; "and you could help Eric out at the store, or Alan. You can start this afternoon, if you want."

"Ok."

Charlotte came in and got her cup of juice from the fridge. She stood there, drinking it.

"Hi Charlotte," Amy said.

"Hi Mrs…………math…………ma math………….Mrs. Amy," Charlotte replied. Amy and I laughed at her cuteness.

"Hey how ya feelin?" I asked Charlotte.

"Ok. Better. I think."

"Charlotte would you like some beans for breakfast?" Amy asked.

Charlotte nodded, putting her glass back in the fridge; "yes. Please."

"Ok."

Charlotte walked off to her room. I heard retching from the bathroom.

Amy looked at me; "is she eating?" she asked discreetly so Charlotte wouldn't hear.

"Sierra?" I asked.

Amy nodded.

"No. She told me she couldn't."

"Oh. What about beverages?"

"I don't know but I'll try that."

"Ok."

By that time, the beans were done. I got out 2 plates, turned off the stove, put the beans on the plates while Amy went into the bathroom. I then went into Charlotte's room and told her the beans were ready. She ate only a little while I ate my entire share.

"You don't feel up to eating then huh?" I asked her.

She shook her head.

"Maybe you should go see the doctor," I told her.

"Ok."

I went and told Amy this. She told me that she would drop me off at the doctor's with Charlotte while she, Morgan and Sierra went to Planned Parenthood.


	2. Lileena

I arrived at school at lunchtime. It'd been a busy morning. I spotted Cory across the bodies in the cafeteria. I made my way towards him and sat down next to him at the table.

"Hey Shawn," he said.

"Hey."

I didn't have any lunch because I didn't have the money. Cory knew this, so he didn't ask about it.

"Where you been I haven't seen you all day," he asked.

"Yeah I wasn't here."

"Yeah I figured that. But where were you?"

"At the clinic, with Sierra and your mom."

"Oh jeez."

He pointed his eyes ceilingwards.

"Sierra got really sick this morning."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Your mom took her to the doctor's."

"How's she doin now?"

"I don't know. She's over at your house by the way," I informed Cory.

"Ok."

"Charlotte's also sick, but not as much. She's at my house, asleep."

"Oh."

There wasn't much else to talk about. Cory knew that I didn't want to talk much about it and that I needed and wanted a distraction.

And at that moment a distraction came.

The most beautiful woman I'd ever seen walked into the cafeteria. All the women I had dated were beautiful that's partially why I dated them. She was tall, or maybe it was just the way she carried herself that made her seem so; regally, like a queen. Everything about her was beautiful; her ivory skin, her flaming curly red hair which was up in a bun, her thin arms. She was wearing a long emerald green dress. She looked around as if she didn't know where to sit, then approached us. She stood in front of our table. It was then that I noticed her eyes; they were a deep ocean sapphire blue.

"Hello," she said softly, in a slight British accent.

"Hey," I said looking up at her.

"Mind if I sit here?" she asked.

"Oh no not at all sit anywhere ya like make yourself at home glad to have ya here is even good we-" Cory rambled.

He was rambling bc he was nervous being in the presence of this beautiful lady.

I looked at him; "Cory."

"Sorry."

I looked back up at the lady: "No, we don't mind."

The woman sat down.

She looked at Cory; "I presume you're Cory?"

"Yep that's me."

She looked at me.

"And you are?" she asked, lifting a thin eyebrow.

"Hey I'm Shawn, Shawn Hunter."

"Very nice to meet you."

"Uh thanks you too."

I was still wondering who she was.

"Oh I'm Lileena Megan Rose. I'm from London, originally," she introduced.

"Oh. Well, we've lived here all our lives."

"Oh so I see."

"Yeah. Did you just move?"

"Yes, a few weeks ago."

"Oh. We'd like to show you around. Is now good?"

"Yes."

We stood up, abandoning lunch. We walked out of the cafeteria and up a hallway.

"Shawn," Lileena asked.

"Yes?"

"Would you be interested in a date tonight, say around 7?"

"Sure ok."

"I'll see you then."

"Alrite."

She stood up and left the same way she'd come in.

Well that was very forward of her. Surprisingly so.

Cory turned to her and offered some bread his sister morgans friend leos mom rosemary had baked.

"hey do you want some bread? My sisters friends mom makes it," he told the lady.

"its really good," I said taking some.

"yeah ok. Thank you," she said also taking some: "how olds your sister?"

"around my age. I have a few."

"oh. Theres only my brother and I. my parents arent um. Here."

"oh."

I got the feeling she didn't want to say more about it so I didn't ask.

"hey we should introduce her to mr. feeny," I told cory.

"hey yeah! And mr. turner does he still teach here?"

"no. but just. As someone for her to know. Hes a cool guy."

"yeah he is. And your mom too. And Topanga," I said.

"my girlfriend," cory informed the lady.

"yes I somewhat figured."

"oh."

"wow ill be meeting all sorts today."


	3. Quiet nothingness far on the other end

It had been a very long day and definately not one of the best. It was 4 p.m., right after school. I was standing by the lockers that came before mine in the row. Anger was boiling up inside me. Anger, stress, panic, fear and worry. Stress from the day, anger at my father, Elaine and Verna, worry for Charlotte and panic, fear and worry for Sierra and her daughter. She'd found out she was having a daughter from one of the ultrasounds. I swung my arm out and punched the locker hard. Once I started I couldn't stop. I kicked the bottom of the locker door. I kicked, hit, swung and punched. Anger was a lot more dignified than crying I had read somewhere. I wasn't one to cry. To spin out of control lose my temper completely lose it go ballistic, yes. But no, not to cry. Never. The thought of me crying is so far on the other end of the spectrum. I don't even think I cried at Cory and Topanga's wedding, or when my dad died. I had mixed feelings about him. I just got very very quiet. No one was able to reach me for a long long time.

I partially blamed myself for what happened to Sierra. I loved her so much she was my sister and I wanted to protect her. She was so pretty and nice. But god what Dad did to her………….I didn't want to turn out like him and I hoped I never would. Even though he was dead I wanted to fight him. And happened to Sierra helped me become a lot more respectful towards women that's for damn sure.

As I was realizing all of this I stopped hitting, swinging, punching and kicking. I just stayed there, in the hall, staring into quiet nothingness until my anger eventually died down.


	4. Italian monarchs shrouded in mystery

It was 6: 45 p.m. and I was at the Matthews house, waiting for Princess Lileena to arrive. Eric was working at the store as was Mr. Matthews; he managed grocery stores. Hannah was having a tea party with her stuffed animals in the living room; Josh was playing with toy trucks on the living room floor; Ashley was sitting on the sofa reading; Amy was in the kitchen and Cory was outside talking with Mr. Feeny, their neighbour and our friend, mentor and teacher. Upstairs in Morgan's room Sierra was asleep and Morgan was reading.

Pretty soon Princess Lileena arrived. I introduced her to everyone as Princess Lileena but she told them she preferred Lileena and I was to call her Lily which made it just that much easier. She was very polite. She was wearing a long black dress with straps and had a black leather purse with her. Her eyes were green and her hair was down her back in soft fire waves. We went outside to her waiting black car. She had a chauffeur so she and I sat in the back.

"Wow," I said, stepping inside and sitting down on the soft black seats.

They were incredibly comfortable.

"What, you've never been in a car like this before?" she asked.

"Well, no. Not really."

"Oh wow."

"What?"

"Well you must be very, um………….someone of limited means."

She was trying tobe polite.

"Yeah I guess you could say that. The opposite of you."

"Well no, not entirely. I wouldn't say that."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Physically, yes but not so much emotionally."

"Oh. This is a really nice car," I commented.

"Thank you it's my father's."

"Oh."

We drove past the house.

"You look beautiful," I told her.

"Thank you. You look nice yourself."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

She shifted in her seat.

"I thought we'd go to that new Italian restaurant."

"Oh that sounds good. I love Italian food."

"As do I."

"I'm partially Italian myself, on my……..on Elaine's side," I told her.

"I'm British, Irish and French."

"Oh. But isn't it expensive?" I asked.

She laughed; "oh don't worry I'll pay."

A pause in conversation.

"Elaine?" she inquired, lifting her eyebrows.

"My uh, mother."

"Oh."

"I mean, my actual mom. Not Verna who, up until after my dad died, I thought was my mother. Yeah that really fuked things up."

I then realized my swearing; "I'm sorry Lily. Pardon my uh………language."

Lily smiled; "it's quite alrite Shawn. I do it as well. I don't know what to say about your dad. Or Elaine or Verna."

"Thank you."

"Mmmhmm."

"You're extremely lucky you didn't know Verna. She was a terrible mother."

"Oh Shawn."

"I don't even know if she would qualify as mother material. She was horrible to Sierra, as was my dad."

"Oh my."

"Yeah I know."

"Sierra?"

"My sister. Who's now pregnant because of my dad."

"My goodness."

"Yeah. So anyway. Enough about me what about you?" I asked.

"Well I grew up in London, drinking tea and going to the theatre. I only moved to the States within a year. My mother died when I was very small."

"Oh wow."

"Yes. It was horrible the way she died."

I didn't say anything more.

"Shawn you're different from other men I've dated," she told me.

I wasn't sure what to say about this.

"You're quiet, more respectful."

"Well after hearing what my dad did to Sierra……."

"Yes well I would imagine. How did your father die if, you don't mind my asking?"

"Heart attack. Just as Jack and I were starting to bond with him too."

"Yow."

"Yeah and Elaine was a stripper."

"Is she Sierra's mother?"

"No. We have no idea who that is."

"Wow."

"Yes. See Lily," I shifted in my seat; "your mother may be dead but at least she wasn't that horrible."

"Well yes but she was a socialite. Never paid much attention to me. Very vain, distant, beautiful and cold. Ophelia Angela was her name."

"That's a beautiful name."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. You know Lily you're so refined."

"Thank you."

"Again, you're welcome."

We laughed at this.

"Who is this Jack?" she asked.

"Hmm?"

"You mentioned Jack. Who is he?"

"Oh he's my half brother."

"Half?"

"Yeah. Same father different mother. We don't know who that is either. I highly doubt he cares. He's too much of a surface man. Got a great voice though, sounds kinda like Sinatra."

"Oh my."

"Yes."

"Your lives are shrouded in mystery it seems."

"Yeah well it's not all that great."

"Oh I know I know believe me I know. I'm not protesting Shawn," she told me.

"I know."

Pause.

"Is she going to keep the baby?" Lily asked me.

"What?"

"Sierra. Is she going to keep the baby?"

"Ohh. I assume so she hasn't said otherwise."

"Oh."


	5. You can see it on a night like this

I walked into the trailer late that night around 9. Charlotte was already asleep. I saw a clean razor blade on the round kitchen table and knew it was Sierra's. I knew she often cut and thought maybe she was reaching out for help. Sierra came out of her room when she heard me walk into the trailer.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," I said.

"Where were you?"

"Oh, I had a date."

"How did it go?"

"Really well."

Pause.

"How did it go at the doctor's?" I asked.

"Ok. They figured out what was wrong with me."

"And what was it?"

"A combination of morning sickness and the flu."

"Oh god."

"Yeah I know. They want me to eat more but I haven't really been able to. So Mrs. Matthews has made me milkshakes."

"Oh. Do they know how long this is going to last?"

"No they didn't say."

"Oh."

"But they said it wouldn't hurt the baby," she informed me.

"Oh. Are you going to keep it?"

"Huh?"

"The baby, are you going to keep it? That's what Lily wanted to know."

"Lily?"

"My date."

"Oh. And yes, yes I am."

"I figured as much. How's Charlotte?"

"Ok, asleep."

"Oh."

Pause.

"And you didn't tell me?" Sierra asked.

"About?"

"The date. Shawn, when you're out somewhere I expect to know where."

"Ok. Ok. I'll try to do better."

Even though Sierra was younger than me she was already acting like a mother.

"That yours?" I indicated the razor.

Sierra nodded.

"How long you been doing it?"

"Since Dad……"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well, to be fair Sierra, you didn't tell me about _that_, either. You know you can tell me anything I told you that this morning."

"Well I didn't want to worry you."

"Worry me worry me! God Sierra."

"I was going to tell you but you don't have a phone and neither do we so it's not like I could've called you or anything."

She had a point.

"I really need to get a job."

"You don't have one yet?" she asked.

"Well I do but they haven't paid me yet."

"Oh. Really where?"

"At Mr. Matthews' store so I'll be out even later."

"As soon as things start getting bad you run away."

"Oh and you don't?"

"Ok well yeah so maybe I do. But at least I have enough sense to actually be here for Charlotte instead of running away."

"Sierra I was here this morning."

"Shawn don't bring up this morning that was hours ago."

"And you could've found me at school," I pointed out, completely oblivious to the fact that Sierra was pregnant.

"I don't know if you realize this or not but I was sick, Shawn! I was here, trying to take care of Charlotte and myself while you were out with Lucy or whatever the hell her name is."

"Lily," I corrected.

"What?"

"Her name, is Lily."

"Whatever. The point I'm trying to make here is that I was here for Charlotte when she needed me. Now, look, I may not have a mother but-"

"Well, Sierra, you were also sick."

"What does _that_ have anything to do with it?"

"Well would you have stayed with Charlotte if you weren't sick?"

"I don't know."

"Ok. See that's exactly my point."

Pause.

"Sierra, not to tell you what to do or anything, but this," I indicated the razor, "really isn't going to help your situation any."

"You think I don't know that? I've known that for quite some time now thank you. I don't need to be told by you."

"Sierra I was just-"

"I know you were. But that's not helping any either."

"Ok."

Pause.

"You know what, Shawn? I wish-" I didn't get to hear the end of that statement since I was storming out of the trailer at the moment.

The door slammed and I walked out into the cold night air. A figure was sitting on the ground a few feet ahead of me. I approached the figure and realized it was Morgan and she was crying.

"Hey Morgan," I said.

I knew she knew I was there even though she didn't say anything. I wanted to help her but I also didn't want to be angry with her and with the way things were going right now chances were I would. I breathed in the cool night air and looked up at the star filled sky. I wasn't looking for the constellations I was looking for something else.

"You can see Scorpio," Morgan said.

"Huh?"

"Scorpio, the constellation. You can see it on a night like this."

"Oh. I wasn't looking for constellations."

"I know. Just figured I'd make conversation."

"Oh."

I tipped my head down so that I was looking straight ahead and sat down next to Morgan.

"So whats up?" I asked her.

"Well Shawn you know what its like to feel…….."

"Hurt by everyone. Yeah, I do."

"That's part of the reason I came here. I mean here, to the trailer park. Was to talk to you." She paused. "I also wanted to see how Sierra was doing."

"Oh. I don't know, she and I just had an argument."

"Oh. Yeah I had a bit of the same thing myself with my father. Well…….."

"Oh. Jeez."

I reached out to touch her.

"No. Don't," she said.

I pulled my hand back.

"I'm sorry. It's just that…………they still hurt."

"They?"

"Yes. There's more than one."

"Oh god. Wow why how the hell what………"

"I wish I knew."

"I don't know what to say."

"I know. Neither do I."

Pause.

"So what was the argument about?" Morgan asked.

"Responsibility."

"Ohh."

"Sierra blamed me for not being there for her and charlotte."

Morgan looked at me; "well?"

"Yeah?"

"What's your side of things?"

"Well, I was out working and then I had a date with Lily."

"And Sierra was…..?"

"Here, sick. With Charlotte."

"Oh. All day?"

I nodded; "yeah."

"Did she know?"

"What?"

"Where you were."

"Well no."

Morgan looked at me intensely.

"Well Shawn don't you think she would've liked to know?"

"Well…………god Morgan why….."

"Shawn I'm not trying to start an argument with you here I'm just trying to get you to see her point of view."

"Oh."

Now I know why some people take up smoking.

"I know that if Cory or Eric wasn't there id want to know where they were."

"I see your point."

"Especially with the way things have been lately."

"I'm sorry Morgan."

"Shawn I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. That person is Sierra."

"Ok you're right."

Pause.

"Morgan do you know?" I asked her.

"About?"

"Sierra's….."

"The razors?"

I nodded.

Morgan nodded; "yes. Yes I do."

"Oh god."

"Shawn……….she's not trying to kill herself. Especially now that she's pregnant."

"I know." I said, sighing; "but I'm worried. I'm worried she's going to………"

"I know you are. And since its new that's only to be expected."

"Yeah I guess it is. I wish I could help her some how."

"I know. I don't know what else to tell you."

Pause.

"So what happened between you and your dad?" I asked.

"Well he came home from the store angry although I don't know why."

"Mmhmm."

"I was upstairs in my room."

"Yeah go on."

"And so he said he wanted to talk to me although I didn't know why and couldn't think of a reason."

"Continue."

"So I came downstairs and he just started yelling at me out of bloody nowhere."

"Ohhh."

"Oh and yeah it gets worse."

I continued to listen.

"He did more to me than just yell."

"Oh god. You mean?"

"Yes."


	6. Sierra: Walking On Broken Glass

**Sierra**

It was 9 o'clock that night. Charlotte was asleep. I'd just finished cutting. I was holding toilet paper over my right arm whenI heard Shawn come into the trailer through the back door which was also the front door. I walked out of my room and into the front room/kitchen/living room.

"Hey," I greeted him.

We had a huge argument, about responsibility. It didn't seem fair that I was the one that had to take care of Charlotte, who was sick, while I was sick myself. Shawn had been out all day and I didn't know where. I told him that I expect that when he'll be out he should tell me where he is. Right after the argument Shawn left again, as I was saying "I wish". He didn't stay to hear the end.

I wasn't going to say something I would regret later. What I was going to say was that I wish our dad hadn't done to me what he did. But I guess we can't change the past. Despite my hatred towards him our dad, I was still going to keep the baby. I highly doubted that even if Dad were alive he'd want to help me take care of it. In a way I didn't want to think of him as my father; I honestly don't think he deserved it.

I didn't know when Shawn would be back or even if he would. But I knew he left partially because he didn't want to hurt me as our dad had done many times before.

I didn't even know who my mother was. Here I was, a young woman pregnant by her late father who didn't know who her mother was.


	7. Morgan: A Night Like This

**Morgan**

It was night, dark, cold and I was in the trailer park sitting on the ground crying. The cold night air stung the bruises that my dad had given to me earlier. That's part of the reason I was over here, to escape from him, to see Sierra and to talk with Shawn who knew what it was like. My dad was not one to hit. He'd never done it before. He didn't hit Mom, Ashley or Hannah just me this time. So far.

I saw Shawn a few feet away. He approached me.

"Hey Morgan," he said.

I didn't say anything for awhile.

His head was tilted, he was looking up at the star filled sky. I looked at it too. The stars looked like silver diamonds on black velvet. A warm soft black velvet blanket sky to wrap around me. In my head mind and eyes the stars formed themselves into my bruises, my dad's anger into all that had happened that night. You could see Scorpio on a night like this.

After awhile Shawn sat down and we talked for awhile. Shawn reached out to touch me; I told him not and explained why. He asked about my dad and I told him what happened. It wasn't that I was afraid of Shawn; I wasn't. It was that I didn't want anyone touching me right now. God the bruises hurt. What hurt more was knowing what my dad did.

After we talked Shawn stood up and started walking away.

"I'm goin to Lily's for the night," he told me.

"Ok," I said.

I knew he wanted me to tell Sierra. I watched him walk into the black nighttime distance.


	8. Sierra: You can see Scorpio

**Sierra**

A knock came on the closed door.

"Come in," I called, then realized it was locked.

I got up from where I was on my bedroom floor, walked out of my room and into the front room. It was now 9:45. I unlocked and opened the door to find Morgan standing there.

"Hey," I said; "come in."

She did and I closed and locked the door behind her.

"Shawn went to stay at Lily's for the night," she told me.

I nodded.

"Yall got any ice?"

"Yeah it's in the freezer," I responded.

Sometimes we didn't have any.

Morgan walked to the freezer, took out some ice, closed the freezer and put the ice on her arm. We sat on the couch.

"So whatsup?" I asked her.

"Uh idinno. Bad night for me can I stay here?"

"Sure no problem."

"Thanks."

"Yep."

"Bad night for me too."

"Yeah I know. Shawn told me."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"Ok."

Pause.

"Sierra," Morgan said.

"Yeah?"

"Shawn's worried about you."

"Oh."

"He's worried about the cutting."

"Morgan, I'm not suicidal."

"I know that and he knows that."

"Ok."

"But he's worried you'll cut too deep."

"Morgan, I won't."

"I know you won't Sierra. But with Shawn, it's a different story."

"Oh."

"You know, because it's new and everything."

"Yeah."

Pause.

"So how are you doing?" Morgan asked me.

"Um ok I guess still sick as hell though."

"Oh."

Pause.

"He always leaves," I told Morgan.

"What?"

"Shawn. He's always leaving, not here."

"Responsibility?"

I nodded; "yeah that's what the argument was about."

"Yeah I know. We talked."

"Oh."

"But at least he told you to tell me where he was going."

"Well Sierra," Morgan said; "he didn't exactly tell me to tell you. I just figured you'd want to know."

"Oh. Well, I do. And did."

"Exactly."

"Ok."

Pause.

"Well hey look at it this way," Morgan said; "at least he didn't hit you. Ow jeez."

"Yeah, you're right. But, you know."

"Yeah, I do."

Pause.

"So that's what happened?" I asked.

Morgan nodded.

"Oh god."

"Yeah I know."

"Who?"

"Huh?"

"Who did it?"

"Oh. My dad."

"Only to you?"

"Yeah, weirdly enough."

"Oh. I can understand why you'd want to stay here."

"Yeah."

We sat there in silence for a bit.

"Charlotte asleep?" Morgan asked.

I nodded.

"How's she doin anyways?"

"A little better."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

More silence.


	9. Shawn: Crashing At Lily

**Shawn**

I arrived at Lily's front door at 10:30 that night. It took me awhile to get over there because of the distance. She opened the door even before I knocked. She must've known I was there. She unlocked and opened the door, wearing black silk pajamas and hair down.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," I said and stepped inside.

She closed and locked the door, then reached over to hug me.

"No not right now," I said.

I was still angry.

She stepped back and started walking through the entryway towards the kitchen

"James isn't here," she told me.

"James?" I asked.

"My brother."

"Oh."

"You want anything to drink?" she asked me; "coffee tea hot choclit?"

"Um just coffee's fine," I told her, following her into the kitchen.

"Is it alrite if I stay here tonight?" I asked her.

"Yes of course."

She stood at the kitchen counter, brewing the coffee. She had long legs and long thin arms. She was beautiful even when she wasn't dressed up. It was easy to see why her name contained 2 flowers. But lily was the death flower. I thought nothing more of it.

"You can sit down," she told me.

I pulled out a light colored wooden chair from the light colored wooden table and sat down.

"Oh. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

She moved around the white tiled kitchen floor in her bare pale feet to get a hot chocolate packet and a mug from one of the cabinets. A silver tea kettle was already sitting on a stove burner. Even her feet were pretty. She turned the burner on then went back to tending to the coffee.

"You know, Lily," I said.

"Hmm?"

"You would make a great mother."

"Well thank you. So I've heard."

"Yep you're welcome."

"What made you think that?"

"Just, the way you move about the kitchen like that."

Lily smiled; "oh."

She had tiny, delicate hands.

"Ever play piano?" I asked her.

"Used to. Stopped after my parents…"

She was eluding to her parents' death.

"Ohhh."

Pause.

"Especially seeing as I didn't really know my own mother."

And _because_ I didn't it was nice knowing Lily, who would make a great mother some day.

Lily turned and looked at me, coffee maker in hand.

"Oh?" she asked.

"Yeah. She apparently was a stripper." I told her.

"Oh my."

"This I learned from my late father."

"Mmhmm."

The hot chocolate was done. Lily set the coffee maker back on its stand and poured the hot water and the mixture into the mug then set it down on the table. She pulled out a chair and sat down, crossing her legs. She moved so fluidly and gracefully.

"I used to dance," she said, noticing me watching her move.

"Oh."

She took a few sips from the hot chocolate. It was weirdly quiet.

"Wow it's quiet," I said.

"Yeah it's the way it usually is around here," Lily informed me.

She had very thin pink lips. Tonight her eyes were brown.

"I know. But I'm just so used to Sierra or Charlotte being around. Even if I can't hear them just the fact that I can sense their presence."

Lily nodded, setting her mug down on the table; "that must be nice."

She sighed; "James comes and goes as he pleases."

"Oh."

"Yeah. That's why you'll never see him around."

"What does he _do_?"

"I don't know. Goes to school…I really don't know."

"Oh."

Pause.

"Mmm I love the smell of coffee," Lily said.

I was starting to like it as well. It was so nice to have someone doing these things instead of being the one who did them.

"Did you bring anything else?" Lily indicated my clothes.

"No, no I didn't."

"Ok. We have some robes that might fit you."

"Ok."

Pause. The coffemaker went off. Lily stood up to get it. She got another mug down from the cupboard and poured the coffee into it.

"Cream, sugar?" she asked me.

She smiled.

"I'm sorry I'm so accustomed to having tea."

"It's fine. And no."

"Ok."

Lily set the mug down in front of me, then sat down.

"Thank you," I said.

"Mmm hmm."

I sipped the coffee. The kitchen had white walls and countertops. A black fridge.

"Do your eyes change color?" I asked.

"Yes, yes they do."

"Oh."

Pause.

"It's been a long day," Lily commented.

"Yeah it has. Incredibly long."

She stood up and went out of the kitchen. I followed her.

"Want to go up to my room?" she asked.

I realized I had nothing better to do that night; "well ok."

We went up the large staircase. The picture below us was of the wooden front door, with 2 long windows on either side of it and a window on top. The door was made of dark wood and had a crystal door knob. Off to one side of the entrance was a dining room. Off to the other side was a sitting room. The walls were white but the floor was made of wood. The staircase was padded with white carpeting and had a polished dark wood railing that curved to follow the staircase. The entire upstairs was padded with the same white carpeting.

We reached Lily's room at the end of the hall. She had a dark green comforter on her wooden bed. There were 2 dark wooden nightstands on either side of the bed with lamps on them. Lily went and put her mug on one of the night stands, then crawled under the comforter. I just stood there, unsure of what to do.

"Where are the robes?" I asked.

"Oh. Down the hall and to the left."

"Ok."

I went down the hall and changed into a black robe, keeping my pants on. I then returned to Lily's room.

"Do you mind if I…?" I asked, nodding at the other side of the bed.

"No, of course not."

I crawled under the comforter, picking up my coffee from where I had left it on the nightstand earlier. I took a few sips from it. I had put my arm around Lily, who was shaking next to me. She was so thin and bony.

"You're so thin," I whispered. "I mean…..I'm sorry."

"I know I am."

I put my coffee back on the nightstand.

"Hey aren't you going to call Sierra?" she asked me.

"We don't have a phone. And I don't know Morgan's number. And I don't feel like asking Amy, or Cory."

"Oh." Then; "Amy?"

"Their mom. Morgan is Sierra's best friend. Cory, her older brother, is mine.'

"Oh."

"Topanga's Cory's wife. She's a lawyer. They live in New York and don't have any kids."

"Oh."

Lily drank some of her hot choclit.

"Are you cold?" I asked her.

"No I'm just sad and….idinno."

"Ohh."

Across from us was a fireplace.

"It gets extremely cold here in the winter," Lily told me.

"Yeah I know. Well I mean I don't _know_ but I know how cold it can be."

Nighttime quiet had settled in.

"Lily," I said to her, smelling her hair. It smelled good.

"Yes?"

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable, do anything you don't like, or want. Ok?"

"Ok Shawn. Thank you."

"Mmhmm. I also," I cleared my throat; "don't want to hurt you."

She seemed so delicate.

"Hurt me?" she asked, curious.

"Yeah. I, I uh, have a tendency to spin out of control sometimes."

"Ohh."

Pause.

We drank more of our beverages. On either side of us, a few feet away were white walls that had windows in them. The windows had black curtains drawn over them. Above us was a wooden fan.

"I'm still scared, Shawn," Lily told me.

"What are you scared of?"

"I don't know, exactly."

"Ok. You don't have to know."

"Most…..most nights I'm up here crying."

"Wow."

"Yes. It's terribly lonely. And it's weird, now. I mean, not that you're weird or anything. Wel,l not that I know of. Um…."

"It's ok I know what you mean."

"Ok."

Lily snuggled deeper under the covers.

"Lily?" I asked her.

"Hmm?"

"How….how did your mother die?"

"A terrible fire," she told me as she closed her eyes.


	10. Next Morning: Tuesday

**Tuesday**

* * *

It was Tuesday, the next day, 6 a.m. I woke up and didn't remember where I was for a minute. I then looked down at the green comforter, the walls around me and the fireplace across from me and remembered I was in Lily's room. I smelled waffles and coffee from the kitchen and knew Lily was up.

"Shawn, breakfast is ready!" Lily called from downstairs.

"Alrite I'll be right there," I called down.

I got out of bed and took a shower, then resumed what I had been wearing the night before. I came into the kitchen. Lily was wearing a long black robe. She smiled when she saw me. She was standing at the kitchen counter, making waffles; coffee was brewing. There were some muffins on the table.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi," I said.

I sat down at the kitchen table.

"How'd you sleep?" Lily asked me.

"Really well, actually. God your bed is so incredibly comfortable."

"So are you."

I smiled.

We had an hour until we had to leave.

"We have an hour until we have to leave," I told Lily.

"I know."

"Oh. Ok."

The coffee was done and as were the waffles.


	11. Morgan: Arriving At Lily

**Morgan**

Once at Lily's I stood outside in the warm sunlight, knocked on the large, white, wooden front door.

"I'll get it," I heard Shawn say from inside.

"Ok," Lily muttered.

I heard Shawn's feet walk across the wooden floor. He opened the door.

"Oh hey Morgan," he said when he saw me; "oh jesus what happened to your face?"

"Morgan is that you?" Lily called from the kitchen.

"Yeah it's me," I replied.

"Sorry about that, come on it," Shawn apologised for his swearing, stepping to the side and holding the door open so I could step inside.

"It's ok. Thank you."

"Uh huh."

"You want some waffles or sumtin Morgan?" Lily asked.

"Uh yeah sure that would be great thanks," I called back.

"Ok it'll be a few."

"Ok."

"You want some ice for that?" Shawn asked.

"Um yeah sure."

"Alrite coming right up."

I followed Shawn into the kitchen.

"God who did that to you?" he asked.

"Um my dad."

"Damn."

"Yeah I know."

"Why?"

"He got angry."

"I get angry too, but I don't........"

"Yeah, I know," I said, sighing in the kitchen chair.


	12. Sierra: That Night

**Sierra**

I was sitting on the couch in the living room that night when the door flew open and Shawn stumbled in.

"Hey Sierra," he said.

He was drunk.

"You're drunk," I stated.

"Nothing to get hung about strawberry fields forever," he replied.

"Sit down," I told him, getting up from my spot on the couch.

"I'll get you some water."

"Mmf thanks."

"You're welcome. Why were you quoting the Beatles?"

"Beetles we have some?"

"You're not making any sense."


	13. Shawn: Morning After: Wednesday

**Wednesday**

* * *

**Shawn**

It was the next morning, Wednesday. I woke up with my head pounding. The sunlight that streamed into the room through the dark green curtains was excessively bright.

"Shawn," Lily called.

Her voice hurt my head.

"Ow jeez," I muttered.

Then;

"Don't yell," I called.

"Breakfast is ready."

I honestly didn't feel up to eating.

"Um ok. Be right ......uh.......down."

"Ok."

Breakfast smells drifted upstairs.

I lifted my head and found I couldn't; I felt dizzy.

I heard soft quiet footsteps on the carpeted stairs and coming down the carpeted hall. Lily appeared at the doorway.

"Shawn," she said.

I turned my head towards her.

"Yeah Lily?" I asked.

"You comin down for breakfast?" she asked.

"Um......I honestly don't think I can."

"Why?"

"When the hell did it become so bright in here? And what the hell happened last night?"

"You have," she said, crossing the room; "a hangover."

She set a cup of water down on a coaster on the nightstand.

"Here. Drink this," she said.

"God my head hurts."

"And take 2 of these," she opened my hand and put 2 pills in them.

"Then shower and come down for breakfast."

"Ok but I really don't feel like eating."

Lily looked at me, her dark green eyes serious.

"I know Shawn. But you'll feel better. Trust me."

"Ok."

She smiled.

"See you in a bit."

"Ok."

She left.

I took the pills and slowly made my way downstairs into the kitchen.

"Hey," Lily said.

She was standing at the coffee maker.

"Hi."

My eyes widened when I realised how dizzy I still was.

"Still tipsy?" she asked.

"Um yeah."

She indicated one of the kitchen chairs.

"Sit down."

"Ok."

I did.

"How..........how do you know all this?" I asked.

"My dad would come home from the bar and wake up....just as you have now, knackered. Sometimes my mom would bring home girlfriends.....boyfriends....."

"But they were married?"

"Yes well factor in that she's half Parisian and grew up on the streets of Paris......."

"Ohhh."

I may have been drunk but I knew what she was getting at, the fact tha ther mom was a prostitute, and on both sides of the fence, as it were.

"Yeah one of the guys even.......what would you like for breakfast?" Lily asked, changing the subject.

"Knackered?"

"Hungover. Or really tired."

"Oh."

"Breakfast?"

"Yeah I'll have a little."


	14. Morgan

**Morgan**

It was that afternoon, Tuesday, when I walked into my house to find Eric, Hannah and Josh sitting in the living room.

"Where's Mom?" I asked.

"She……she left, Morgan. She couldn't take it anymore."

"Oh god. What, the hell."

"Morgan, not in front of them," Eric said, indicating Josh and Hannah.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Where's Ashley?" I asked.

"Still at ballet."

"Oh. We're all going to need to have a talk when she gets home."

"Ok."


	15. Ashley

**Ashley**

It was Tuesday night. Morgan, Eric and I were all sitting in Eric's room.

"Now, I know Morgan knows this but Ashley doesn't," Eric said.

"Doesn't know what?" I asked.

"Earlier this afternoon, Mom left."

"Left for…?"

"No, you don't get it Ashley," my older sister said; "she left."

"You mean…..?"

"Yeah, she up and left."

"Is...when...is she coming back?" I asked.

"We don't know she didn't say," Eric replied.

I stood up.

"What the hell? Who would do this to their own children?"

"To be fair, Ashley, Dad left first," morgan pointed out.

I whirled around and looked at her; "oh fair, you call that fair? That Dad left? And now…..Mom? That's not fair that's….well I don't even know."

"Look Ashley I know you're upset. We all are. But since we're the 3 oldest living here, we need to pull together," Eric told me.

"Which means that we're going to have to do the things Mom usually does around here," Morgan told me.

"I'll be putting in more time at the store so I won't be around as much," Eric said.

"Ok."

"I guess I'll have to get a job too," Morgan said.

"Oh. Ok. Do...do Cory and Topanga know?" I asked.

"No, not yet. We haven't told them."

"Oh."


	16. Sierra

**Thursday**

* * *

It was now Thursday. Shawn had left on Tuesday to stay at Lily's. The trailer was only slightly bigger without him. Charlotte and I were the only ones there. Ever since Shawn had left and I didn't have a job, Mrs. Matthews was buying us groceries as well as taking Charlotte and I to our doctor's appointments. I needed to get one but knew I couldn't, not when I was this pregnant. I woke up every morning and checked on Charlotte, then made breakfast for the both of us. After we ate, I did the dishes and left for school. Mrs. Matthews knew to come and take Charlotte to school, which she did. This gave her an exscuse for her to be away from Mr. Matthews.


	17. Morgan: Wednesday

**Morgan**

It was the next morning, 7. I knew Ashley and Eric were already up and gone. The smell of waffles and coffee drifted up from downstairs. I thought my mom must be up. And then it hit me; she'd left the day before. I wondered who could be making the waffles.

I got out of bed, showered, got dressed and went downstairs into the kitchen where I was surprised to find Shawn and Lily.

"Hey," Shawn said when I came into the kitchen.

"Hi, um, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"Thought we'd surprise you."

"Well you certainly have."

"And make you breakfast. Are Hannah and Josh up yet?" Lily asked.

"No, they're not."

"Oh."

"Where are Eric and your parents? They're usually up by this time," Shawn questioned.

"Shawn," I said, pausing behind a kitchen chair; "um, there's something you should know."

"Ok what is it?"

"Come with me into the living room."

"I'll go check on Josh and Hannah," Lily said, leaving the kitchen and going upstairs.

"Ok," Shawn called after her.

He followed me into the living room, where we sat on the white rectangular couch.

"So?" he asked.

"Um, well, Dad left," I told him.

"To go?"

"No. He left."

"Oh jeez. Where? When's he coming back?"

I stood up.

"I don't know!" I cried.

"And your mom?"

"Also, left........Eric's putting in more time at the store...." I continued, sitting back down.

"Which is why he's not here."

"Right."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Well, Mom couldn't take it and here I am trying to be strong since I'm the next oldest but......"

"Mmhmm right. Morgan, I know it isn't easy, hiding all your hurt from the world. As Sierra's probably told you by now, our own dad....." Shawn said.

I held up my hand; "Right. I know."

"Does she have somewhere to go?"

"Who?"

"Your mother."

"I really don't know."

"Ok, well- Lily!" Shawn called, leaning his head back.

"Yes?" she called back.

"Could you come down here? I need to talk to you."

"Ok, be right down."

"Shawn, you're not-" I started to say.

"All I'm going to tell her is that your mom took off and to try and find her."

"Oh. Ok."

A few minutes later we heard Lily's soft white feet coming down the stairs.

"Yes?" she asked.

Shawn looked at her; "c'mere. Sit."

"Ok what's this about? Hi Morgan."

"Hi," I replied.

Lily came and sat on the couch by Shawn.

"Well, Morgan's mom, Mrs. Matthews, took off .......recently, I guess."

"Oh. Do you know where she went?" Lily asked me.

"No, I don't."

"Oh."

"And we, Morgan and I, we were wondering if you would help try to find her," Shawn said.

"Yeah, of course when do you want me to start?"

"Today, if you can."

"Ok."

Lily stood up.

"Morgan," she said.

"Yes?" I said.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Ok."

I followed her into an adjoining room we rarely used. We sat down on a soft, plush, dark blue velvet couch.

"Yes?" I asked.

"James has told me that you 2 are dating," Lily informed me.

"Well that's what he thinks."

"But are you?"

"I don't want to."

"Morgan, I want you to be careful. If anything happens you can tell Shawn. Or me. Or Sierra. Or...someone else. Mr. Feeny seems a wonderful man, although I haven't been here that long. Your friend Leo, even."

"Ok. I will."

"Ok. He- James- he was horrible to our mother."

"I've never heard you talk about your mother."

"She died, a long time ago but I still miss her."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Thank you. She was wonderful....sweet. Lovely. Warm."

"You're a lot like her."

Lily smiled; "Shawn says the same thing."

We returned to the kitchen where Shawn already was.


	18. James

**Tuesday**

It was now the next day, Tuesday and lunch time. Sierra, Kerri and I were sitting at a table in the crowded cafeteria. A tall, blonde boy came over to us.

"Elo loves," he said in a British accent.

He had brilliant blue eyes.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" he asked.

"Um I…no, not at all," I said.

He sat down. His hair made him even taller.

"I'm Sierra," she said.

The boy shook her hand; "nice to make your acquaintance. I'm James."

Kerri introduced herself and they shook hands. James looked at me. I hadn't spoken much since he had come to our table because I loved his British accent.

"And who might you be?" he asked me.

"Oh, me? I'm um I'm," I cleared my throat; "I'm Morgan."

"Hello Morgan."

"Morgan,…..Matthews."

"You're not, by any chance, related to Cory Matthews, are you?"

"Why yes, yes I am. He's my older brother. Well one of them, anyway. I have 2, him and Eric."

Why yes? Where the hell had that come from?

"Shawn's dating Lily."

I then realized how James knew who Cory was.

"I know."

"Lily's my sister."

"Oh."

"We've heard about you, but never actually seen you," Sierra put in.

"Yes, well, I am quite mysterious."

He was so charming, friendly and British.

"So I take it you're from London as well then?" I asked.

James nodded; "yes, yes I am."

"Well I've lived here all my life. How was your first morning?"

"Oh I just got here. I mean, to school."

"Ohh. Since you've no one to show you around…"

"That would be nice."

"Ok."


	19. Chapter 44

It was 4;00 that afternoon and I was home, in my large bedroom, on my bed, writing. _Dear diary,_ I wrote. _Today I met the most amazing guy! His name is James and he's from London! Oh London all that culture all that theatre all that…drama? The most drama was actually in the theatres. He's about 6 ft tall, blonde and had brilliant blue eyes. He's charming, friendly and charismatic. He also happens to be Lily's younger brother. She had talked about him but I had never actually seen him or met him. Well now I have. We have a date later tonight; I think I'll wear black ha ha. As I always do. Well, it suits me._


	20. 1st Date Drunk

Later that night, James and I went to the new Italian restaurant. We were sitting, talking, drinking water and eating our appetizer of garlic bread. The waiter came to our table.

"Do you know what you'd like to drink?" he asked us.

"Um…" I said, thinking of soda.

"How bout some red wine?" James said.

I'd never had red wine before.

"O…k," the waiter said; "what kind?"

"2001 chardonnay."

"Ok." The waiter looked at me; "and for you miss?"

"Um."

James looked at the waiter; "just wine."

The waiter left. The restaurant had about 30 people in it, as it was small. The lights were dimmed. The tables were round and the carpeting was of a dark red. The waiter returned with wine glasses and the wine, which James poured for the both of us.

"Are you ready to order?" the waiter asked us.

I ordered angel hair pasta and James ordered fettuccine alfredo. The waitress left. The walls were of a soft yellow colour, and the chairs had red cushions on them.

"You haven't tasted your wine yet," James commented.

I lifted the wine glass to my lips. The wine was good, it was very good. Strong, but not too strong. Not bitter. The garlic bread was crunchy and buttery. By the time our food arrived I'd already had 2 glasses of wine. I had 4 more with dinner, and then another at dessert. I didn't expect to have this many and by the end of dinner I was almost asleep. I realised I was also probably drunk. James drove me home, then went home himself. I was glad that everyone else was asleep. I went up to my room slowly and passed out on my bed.


	21. At School

When I arrived at school, James grabbed me by the arm.

"Ow," I said.

"Keep your complaints to yourself. Where the hell were you?" he led me to a row of lockers which he pushed me against.

"Wh when?"

"Earlier. I've been waiting for an hour."

"School starts at 9. You have not been waiting here that long."

"Don't test me."

"What on earth were you doing here at 8? No one's here at that hour."

He flicked open a pocket knife and held it in front of my face. Fear widened my blue eyes. Behind James, I saw some students watching, their faces full of fear.


	22. Then Everyting Went Black

I ran dizzily down the hall, holding my arm, with James following. Ian and Shawn had just opened the large metal doors at the end of the hall.

"Morgan, where are you going?" Shawn called.

"You're not going to tell them, are you?" James asked

"Well yes."

"Why. This is between us."

"No, it's not. Someone needs to know."

"No, they don't. We don't need to present our issues to the public."

James hit me, knocked me to the ground, kicked me.

Then everything went black.


	23. Village Inn

Lily, Shawn, James and I were all sitting at a booth at Village Inn later that night; Lily and Shawn were sitting across from James and I. I was sitting against the wall of the booth as was Shawn while James and Lily were sitting on the outside. Our food hadn't arrived yet but our beverages had. I had a milkshake, Shawn, of course, had coffee, James had coffee and Lily had tea. I guess since James couldn't have wine he would settle for coffee.

"So how are things going between you 2?" Shawn asked.

"Um ok," I said at the same time James said "fine. Just fine."

Shawn gave me a look that he knew things clearly weren't fine. The restaurant had about 50 people in it. I was glad we were somewhere where families went, so there wouldn't be any drunkenness or wine, red or otherwise.

"How are things going between you 2?" I asked.

"Oh, really well," Lily said.

"Oh."

I was also glad that Shawn and Lily were there, so that I had company. I was starting to get to the point where I didn't think of James as company. Lily and James were very different people.

The food arrived and we started eating, not talking much. Shawn had waffles, Lily had pancakes, James had a hamburger and fries and I had brownie pie. It was all very good. James paid the bill and we left in the car that had brought us. James went downtown, I went home and Shawn and Lily went to Lily's.


	24. Next Morning: Thursday

It was the next morning. For some reason Dad was not at the grocery store. He, Mom, Ashley, Josh, Hannah, Eric and I were all in the kitchen eating breakfast. No one had said anything yet.

"Well . . ." Ashley said.

Mom looked at her; "yes, Ashley?"

"This is . . . awkward."

Dad stood up and moved toward Ashley, or so it seemed.

"You're going to have to deal with it," he said.

I gasped. He looked at me.

"Dad," I said.

He hit me across the cheek.

"Ow. Fuk," I said. Then; "sorry."

Mom stood up, pushing her chair back.

"Allan what makes you think you have the right . . .?" she asked.

Dad looked at her.

Mom looked at me; "Morgan, leave. Now."

I nodded; "ok."

"Eric, take Ashley, Hannah and Josh elsewhere."

Eric nodded.

"Ok. Come with me," he said.

We all went into the living room.

"Is Mom going to be ok?" Hannah asked.

Eric looked at me. I said nothing. I told him I was going to Lily's. He nodded. I left.


	25. Living Room

**Thursday**

It was Thursday. I was over at Lily and James's. There wasn't any school that day, as it was snowing. Lily and Shawn were out at a movie. James and I were in their white living room. We were sitting on opposite ends of the white couch.

"Morgan," James said after awhile.

"Yeah?"

"Where were you?"

"When?

"Yesterday afternoon."

"Oh."

"We agreed to meet here after school."

I turned to face him.

"James," I said; "we didn't _agree_ to meet here. You bossed me into doing so."

"No, I didn't. You said ok when I told you."

"Yes that's right; you _told_ me."

"But you agreed to it."

"James I was frightened."

"Oh you were were you?"

He got closer to me.

"Well, let me tell you something Morgan Matthews."

He was so close I could smell his cologne.

"You are not supposed to be scared of me."

"Well," I paused; "why was I drunk the other night?"

I was extremely lucky he hadn't done anything to me that night.

"Because you drank the wine."

Well, this was obvious.

"Yeah because _you_ kept pouring it!" I shouted.

"You didn't have to drink it Morgan!"

"And you….you were the one who ordered it."

"Next time we go out, there won't be any Lily or Shawn."

"If we do go out," I muttered.

"Exscuse me?"

"There won't be a next time."

I could hear Lily laughing outside the front door and Shawn talking to her. I guess the movie was over since they were back.

"I'll be the judge of that."

He then hit me.

"So where the hell were you?" he yelled angrily, standing up.

"I was at Sierra's," I stated calmly.

"Sierra's instead of being here!"

He hit me again.

"Morgan, when we agree to meet somewhere I expect you to be there."

"We didn't _agree_ to anything James!"

And for the 3rd time that day, he hit me.

I ran toward the door just as Lily was opening it.

"Whoa what's going on here?" Shawn asked.

"Nothing. Exscuse me," I said.

I ran past him and into the cold white quiet.

"James?" I heard Lily ask.

"Morgan, you forgot your coat! Where are you going?" Shawn called after me.

Outside, I felt not only cold but lost, confused, upset and scared as well.

I was going the only place I felt safe. I was going, to Leo's.


	26. He Gave Me Bruises

When I got to the O'Dell's house I pounded on the door. It was freezing outside with snow being blow every which way by the wind. The cold air didn't help the bruise James had left on my right cheek. And the fact that I'd left my hat, coat and scarf and gloves at Lily's didn't help matters, either.

"Rosemary, Leo, open up!" I shouted. It was hard to hear anything due to the howling wind; "it's Morgan!"

I put my arms down by my side.

"Leo go open the door would you?" I heard Leo's mom say.

I heard footsteps walk across the wooden floor of the front entrance, the door unlock and open. Inside, across the doorway, stood Leo. Some of the warm air came out of their house. Leo looked shocked when he saw me.

"Omygod Morgan what happened?" he asked.

"Morgan come in hun," Rosemary, Leo's mom, called.

I stepped inside glad to be out of the cold. Leo closed and locked the door behind me.

"Do you mind if I…?" he asked, wanting to touch me but not quite sure.

"No," I replied.

Leo put his arm around me and led me to the kitchen where his mom was. She took look at me and said; "Leo get some ice and a paper towel."

Rosemary pulled out a chair for me from the kitchen table. I sat down. Leo opened the fridge and got out some ice, wrapping it in a white paper towel. He brought it over to me and put it on my face.

"Ow jeez," I said.

Rosemary brought a wool blanket and put it around my shoulders. She then proceeded to make hot choclit.

Leo sat down at the kitchen table and looked at me.

"Morgan," he asked; "what happened?"

"I…I," I knew I couldn't lie to him. And James hadn't ever told me not to tell. But then he hadn't ever said I could, either.

Rosemary made the hot choclit and set it in front of me, sitting down at the kitchen table herself.

"Morgan, honey, what happened?" she asked.

"He gave me bruises Rosemary," I simply replied.

"Who did?" she asked.

"Do you know?" Leo asked.

I nodded and sipped some of the hot choclit.

"My…..James," I said.

"James?"

"lLly's brother."

"Oh dear. Why?" rosemary asked.

"I was supposed to go over to their house Tuesday afternoon, after school. But I hadn't agreed to it. I said ok because he frightened me. He didn't understand. He still does. And and then….."

"Oh Morgan," Leo said, his clear light blue eyes filling with sadness.

"You said no and he, he?" Rosemary asked.

I nodded.

"But he hasn't?"

I shook my head.

"Ok."

"And then he got me drunk. He blamed it on me, during the argument. That's what it was about. That's why he hit me."

"You drank?" Leo asked.

"Yeah, I did. But he ordered the wine. And kept pouring it. I drank it because I was afraid of what he would do. He kept pouring it but that's all he did, that night."

"Wow."

"I know."

I looked into Rosemary's brown eyes; "he scares me Rosemary."

"I know he does dear. He scares me too. You can stay here tonight. But I have to let someone know where you are. I wont tell them anything else."

I nodded; "ok," I said. "Ok."

Rosemary then proceeded to make the phone call to my parents.


	27. Chapter 49

**Friday**

When I got home the next day I wrote in my diary;

_Dear Diary,_

_Remember that guy I told you about, James? Well he's not who I thought he was. He's the complete opposite of Lily. And Shawn. And Eric. And Cory. And most of the guys I know. He's started….hurting me. That's why I don't want to be touched. It doesn't help that it's winter and really really cold. I think Shawn and Lily know something's going on. James, after all, _is _Lily's younger brother. Who knew the British could be so mean? Well, not all of them are that way just James. So far. Then again, he and Lily are the only British I've met. And Kerri and Sierra definitely know. I came to school hungover…..not by choice mind you. James and I had gone on a date the previous night and he poured me several glasses of wine. I only had them because I was frightened he would hurt me more if I didn't. And I don't want to be the only one there when and if it does happen. All he's done so far with hurting me is hitting me. I did however tell him that there won't be a next time. I think Mr. Feeny might know something's going on as well. When I came to school that day I told him I had a headache, which I did, when he asked me if I was alrite. He suggested I go see the nurse. I wouldn't want her to know I, at 17, had been drinking. Or any of this. But I know that he cares, a lot. The answer to his question however, is no. no I'm not alrite. A woman who is dating someone who is hurting her is never alrite. Leo and Rosemary also know. I stayed over at Leo's last night._


	28. That Night

It was Thursday night. James and I were at the movies.

"Hi 2 for…" I said, about to suggest _P.S. I love You_.

"Yes, 2 for _I Am Legend_," James said.

I looked at him; "James, we talked about this. You know I don't want to see that movie."

"I'll go find some seats," was all he said and walked off.

"Hi sorry about that," I told the ticket person.

"2 for _I Am Legend . . . _I guess," I said.

"Alrite $16.00," he told me.

I gave him a 20; he gave me $4 back which I put in my purse.

"You alrite luv?" he asked.

"Um…exscuse me?"

"I asked if you were alrite."

"But…" I protested.

"I know. Normally I wouldn't interject, as it doesn't fit the job description. I'm Ian by the way."

"You're also not from around here," I said.

"Right you are. England, actually. London itself. And you are?" he said, handing me the tickets.

"Oh. I'm Morgan," I told him.

"Like the lady of the lake."

"Hmm?"

"Morgaine?"

"Oh. Yes. Of course. And to answer your question…um, Ian. I'm not."

"Yeah I kind of gathered that. You want to see a movie after this one?"

"But James'll get angry," I said.

"Oh I'll make sure nothing happens to you."

"Um ok."

"Come see me after."

"Ok."

"Enjoy the show."

"Thank you."

I walked to the concession stand and bought a large popcorn, 2 sodas and a pretzel. I walked over to the ticket taker.

"2nd on your left," he told me.

"Thank you," I said, walking towards the theatre.

"Um miss, miss?" the guy called after me.

I whirled around.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Um you might want this," he told me, holding out my ticket.

I walked over to him.

"Um why would I want…?" I asked.

He handed it to me.

"Look on the back," he told me.

I did. There was Ian's name and under it, a phone number. I looked at the ticket guy.

"Thank you," I said.

"Yep."

I put the ticket stub in my purse and walked into the theatre where I found a spot next to James.

"Here. Here's your popcorn and soda," I said, handing them to him.

"What took you so long and why'd you get a pretzel?" he asked.

"There was a long line and I was hungry."

He dug his nails into my arm.

"Ow," I said.

He did it again. My phone flashed.

"Would you exscuse me my phone's ringing?" I asked, getting up.

I walked out of the theatre, down the hall and into the bathroom. Once in a stall I pulled my phone out of my purse and programmed Ian's number into it, then put the Neosporin on my arm which still hurt.

"Ouch," I said.

This had to stop and I knew it before James hurt me even more than he had already.


	29. Ian & I

I was walking out of the bathroom when I heard a male voice.

"Hey Tony, I'm going to take my break now," the guy said.

"Ok," the guy he was talking to replied.

"Hey Morgan," the voice of the first guy said.

I looked around.

"Behind you," the guy said.

I whirled around for the 2nd time that night and saw Ian.

"Oh hey Ian," I said.

"Hey. I'm on my break now," he said.

"Oh."

"You wanna see a movie?"

"Yeah."

"Alrite which one?"

"That new Bob Dylan one."

"Sounds good. It doesn't start for another half hour though," he pointed out.

"That's ok it'll give us plenty of time to talk."

We walked into the empty theatre and sat down in the middle.

"Here, I brought you another pretzel," Ian told me, handing it to me.

I opened it and started eating it.

"Mmm thank you."

"You're welcome. If you don't mind my saying so, Morgan…" Ian said.

I looked at him.

"Yes?" I asked.

"The guy you were with didn't seem very nice. And what happened to your hand?"

"He isn't. And he dug his nails into it."

"Ouch."

"Yeah I know."

"Are you 2, um, together?"

"Oh no. We're not. He likes to think we are, though. And Leo and I aren't together, either."

"Seems he likes to think a lot of things."

"Yes, he does," I replied, halfway through the pretzel.

"I can get you another pretzel if you like."

I looked at Ian.

"Hey, I work here remember?"

"Oh, so you do," I said, smiling.

"It's good to see you smile."

"Thanks."

"Uh huh. Who's Leo?"

"A really good friend of mine."

"Oh."

"Yeah. He lives with his mom, who makes the most wonderful bread you will ever have. She's really nice."

"Sounds it. And I assume Leo's just as nice?"

"Yes. He is. His dad died when he was little."

"Oh. You have any siblings?"

"Yeah. 6, actually."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah I know."

"Older or…?"

"I'm in the middle."

"Oh."

"4 live here and 2 live in New York. My brother Cory lives up there with his wife Topanga who's a lawyer."

"Oh."

"What about you?"


	30. The Fight

After the movie, Ian and I walked out of the theatre.

"You want to get some dinner?" Ian asked.

"Sure ok."

"Morgan," James called.

I turned towards him. He walked towards me.

"Where were you?" he asked, once he'd reached us.

"Um…" I said, unable to come up with something.

"You couldn't have been in the bathroom for 2 hours," he said.

"No I…I wasn't," I said.

"Well, where were you?"

"Well, I um…" I said.

He leaned towards me. Ian leaned towards him.

"Don't hurt her," he said.

"Oh, and why not?" James asked, looking at Ian.

James hit me.

"Ow," I said.

"Alrite that's it," Ian rose his voice.

"You're lucky we have ice on hand luv," Ian told me.

"Tony?" he called.

"Yeah?" the guy called back.

"Could you get her some ice?" Ian asked.

"Yeah sure."

Ian and James started fighting. Tony made a semicircle around the concession stand and over to us.

"You 2," he said, "are going to have to take this outside."

James lookedd at him.

"Oh really?" he asked.

"Yes real- oh, I get it. You're testing me. Very nice."

"C'mon Morgan. Let's go," Ian told me.

"You don't want to fight me?" James asked.

"It's not worth fighting someone such as yourself."

"Let's go. Outside."

"James, he already told you, he doesn't want to fight," I said.

"Morgan, don't get in the middle of this," Ian told me.

"You want me to call John? Because, I will," Tony said.

"John?" I asked.

"The manager."

"Oh. But then that would make you . . ."

"The assistant manager."

"Oh. Ok."


	31. Waking Up

When I woke up, I was surprised to discover that I was in my bed. I looked up and saw Ian and Lily on either side of me.

"Hi love," Ian said.

I blinked.

"Hi, um what are you doing here?"

"Thought I'd see how you were.'

"What am_ I_ doing here?" I asked.

"After you passed out we brought you here," Lily replied.

I slowly sat up.

"What time is it?"

"It's 1 in the afternoon."

"Oh."

"Shawn's downstairs, having it out with my brother," Lily told me.

"Oh. How do you 2 know each other?"

"We're cousins," Ian replied.

"Oh."

"Any other questioins?" Lily asked, smiling.

"Um, can I go back to school? And do you know where my mom is?"

"It's too late in the day for that. And we think she's staying at a hotel."

"Oh."

"Do you want some tea?"

"Yes, sort of."

"Ok."

Ian and Lily left.


	32. POV: Ashley

**Friday**

**

* * *

****Ashley**

It was now early Frinday morning and still snowing. It'd been snowing since Monday morning and continued through the weekend.

I had ballet to go to, then school, then cheerleading, modeling and ballet again. School started at 9 and ballet was from 5 – 7. That left me 2 hours between now and when school started; 1 for breakfast and 1 to get to school. Cheerleading took place at school but I don't know if we'd have it, as we usually had it outside and given it had been snowing it might be too snowy to have it outside. My friends Claire and Ruthie went to the same modeling school I did.

I'd woken up at 4 a.m.; in an hour my dad would wake up. Then Mom, Hannah, Josh, Morgan and Eric would be up. I turned on the heat in my room and then went into the bathroom to take a shower. I showered, got dressed, got my stuff together and went down into the kitchen to have breakfast. No one else was up. I took the muffins I'd previously made out of the fridge and stuck them in the microwave. While I was microwaving them I plugged in the waffle iron. While I was waiting for the waffle iron to heat up I made some peppermint tea for myself. I turned on the heat so that everyone would be warm when they woke up. Mornings before everyone else was up were about the only time our entire house was quiet.


	33. Ballet

It was 5 a.m.; I was walking up the stairs to the ballet studio. It was very quiet although I heard voices drifting down from upstairs. I came to the landing and went down the hall to the locker room. The voices became louder as I drew closer. I entered the locker room where the girls in my ballet class were dressing and stretching. I went to my locker and opened it.

"Hey Ashley," Lorelei said.

I put my purple duffel bag on the top shelf and turned my head towards Lorelei.

"Hey," I said.

"How are you?" she asked.

"Um ok. Tired," I replied.

"Yeah I know me too. I had to pry a curling iron from my mom's hands this morning; she was sitting on the kitchen floor. Apparently, she forgot the waffle iron was plugged in. Last night she was ironing but the iron wasn't plugged in."

"Oh god," I said.

"Yeah well. She's a hell of a lot of trouble."

"Mmm I would imagine. Just like in _Repulsion_," I said, talking about an old, black and white horror movie.

In one of the scenes in the movie one of thegirls is ironing but the iron isn't plugged in.

"Exactly."

"You know you're always welcome at my place," i said.

"Would you mind if I came over this afternoon?"

I smiled; "no, of course not."

I sat down on the floor.

Lorelei smiled.

"Thanks hun you're sweet," she said.

"Uh huh you're welcome."

I got dressed in my baller clothes, put closed my locker, and sat on the floor next to Lorelei, where I wrapped my toes and put my toe shoes on.


	34. After School: Cheerleading

It was after school; the cheerleaders were holding practice in the gym. There had been an announcement earlier that day; due to the snow, we were going to be having practice inside. It was still snowing and had been all day. We were all sitting on large blue plastic mats on the gym floor, waiting for our captain Jessica to arrive. It was very cold inside the gym. Not very many people were left in the school at this hour. A horn honked outside.

Jessica walked in.

"Alrite ladies," she said.

We looked at her.

"First thing we need to do is get some more mats out of the locker rooms and bring them out here. After we do that, we're going to start a new routine, combing gymnastics and dance. I know that for those of you who take ballet, cheerleading is a lot more athletic. Make sure you have a good dinner tonight because all of you will need your strength. Now comon let's go."

We stood up and followed her across the gym to a door. She opened the door and we walked down the hall to the locker room where the mats were located. It was very cold in the locker room.

"It's cold in here," I observed.

"By the time we're done you'll be warm Ashley," Jessica told me.

I knew this to be true.


	35. Coming Home To Drama

It was several hours later; Lorelei and I were waiting outside the ballet studio for Eric to pick us up. It was dark, and still snowing as it had been all day.

"Eric's picking us up," I told her.

"Oh ok."

A black car pulled up in to the curb in front of the studio.

"That him?" Lorelei asked me.

I nodded; "uh huh."

In the front seat were sitting Eric, who was driving and his friend Linda. We opened the door, got in, put our stuff on the floor, closed the door and put our seatbelts on.

"Hey," Eric said.

"Hi. Hi Linda," I said.

"Hey Ashley," Linda said.

"Where's Crystal?" I asked, referring to another one of Eric's friends.

"Over at Kristen's with the baby," Eric replied.

Kristen was another one of their friends.

"Oh. This is my friend Lorelei. Lorelei, this is my oldest brother Eric."

"Hey," Eric said, looking at Lorelei in the mirror.

"Hi," Lorelei replied.

"I'm Linda," Linda said.

"Hi."

Lorelei turned to me.

"Oldest, brother?" she asked; "you mean you have more?"

I nodded; "uh huh. 2 more. Josh, who's 8 and Cory, who's up in New York with his wife, Topanga. She's a lawyer."

"Oh."

"And 2 sisters. Morgan, who's older, and Hannah, who's 5."

"Oh."

"Hannah, Josh and Morgan are at home."

"Oh. Ok."

"How'd it go?" Eric asked.

"Ok," I replied; "tiring."

"How was cheerleading?" Linda asked.

"Ok. We're starting a new routine."

"Oh, interesting. I'd like to come see it sometime."

"Yeah sure."

"Linda's a cheerleader," I explained to Lorelei.

"Oh."

"And our mom was, back in high school," Eric said.

"Ohh."

"Hey why are you picking us up instead of Mom?" I asked.

Eric sighed and looked at me in the mirror.

"She's had a long day Ashley," he told me; "she's still up, as is Dad."

"Oh."


	36. Chapter 29

Eric pulled into the driveway in front of our house, turned the car off and Linda, Lorelei, Eric and I got out. We went into the house, putting our coats, scarves, gloves and hats on the tall wooden coat rack and our sutff on the floor. Eric closed and locked the door behind us. Mom was sitting on the coch in the white living room which was to the left of the entry way. She looked up when we came in.

"Hi Eric hi Linda," she said.

"Hi," Eric said

"Hi Mrs. Matthews," Linda said smiling.

"Josh and Hannah are.....?" I asked

"Hi Ashley. In the kitchen coloring. And Morgan and her friends are upstairs in her room."

"Oh. This is my friend Lorelei," I told Mom.

"Hi," Lorelei said.

"Hi I'm Mrs. Matthews, Ashley's Mom," mom said

"Yeah I figured."

"Nice to meet you."

"Same."

"Eric?" Mom asked, standing up

"Yeah?" he asked

"Can I talk to you in the kitchen?"

"Yeah ok sure."

"I'll go check on Hannah and Josh," Linda said.

"Ok that would be great."

They went into the kitchen.

I sat down on one of the white couches in the white living room. Lorelei was standing awkwardly on the shiny dark wooden floor of the entryway.

"Um you can sit down Lorelei," I told her, smiling.

She smiled as well and crossed the entryway into the living room. She sat down uncomfortably on the couch.

"You look uncomfortable," I told her.

She exhaled.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok you don't have to apologise."

"I..........this is a really big house."

"Oh."

"And......I'm kind of worried about.......my mom."

"Ohh."

"I mean I've never really left her alone in the house before."

"Well....."


	37. Lily: Friday Morning

**Friday**

* * *

**Lily**

It was Friday morning; I was alone in the house. James had already left for school, or so he said. Shawn had gone home drunk last night. I hoped when he'd come home he wouldn't have hurt Sierra or Charlotte, although he didn't seem the type. I was in the kitchen making muffins. I missed Shawn. At least, with him here, it wasn't as lonely. I'd turned music on but somehow, it didn't seem the same. The music was that of Renee Olstead, a jazz singer and actress. The weather report said snow was on the way for the weekend.


	38. Ashley: Friday Night

It was later that night and Morgan, Hannah, Josh, Eric, Mom, Dad and myself were all home. Dad and Mom were downstairs, fighting; Hannah, Josh and I were upstairs and Eric and Morgan were in the kitchen.

"Alrite, that's it, Amy!" I heard Dad yell.

He walked out the door.

I ran downstairs, to find Morgan, Eric and Mom in the living room. Mom was on the couch, crying and Eric and Morgan on either side of her, Eric holding a tissue box and Morgan, a glass of water.

"What's going on?" I asked.

Mom looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

"He walked out, Ashley," she told me; "he up and left."

"Oh god."


	39. Amy

**Amy**

I'd left my children after I'd had enough from Alan. I felt bad about leaving them but if Alan was still in the area I didn't want to stick around much longer. After Alan left, I had. He'd hit me, hit Ashley . . .I'm surprised he hadn't turned on Hannah or Morgan. I knew Eric would take over. As silly and dim as he could be sometimes he could also be very wise and sweet. He'd make a great dad and was man of the house now. I knew he could handle that. I remember he'd once dated a girl named Kelly, who had a son around Morgan's age at the time. Eric was very embarassed about dating a girl with a son but Alan and I were very receptive and welcoming.

Alan and I used to be so in love. We were wonderful to each other. We spent so much time together. I couldn't believe that, at my age, I was physicaly able to have another child, Josh. The doctors said it might not have been possible. It was quite miraclous when Josh was born, Valentine's Day a few years back.

But over the years Alan had changed. He'd become distant, less fun. Cold. Random outbursts of anger. We think he might have bipolar but he'd refused to go to the doctors to get tested, which we'd argued about time and time again.

So now here I was, at a hotel. I'd checked in a few days ago.

I'd unpacked my suitcase and hung some of my clothes on the closet. I had ordered room service for dinner, pasta. it was fairly quiet in the room, the sounds of the city far below me. It was nice to be somewhere quiet, for once. I enjoyed the solitude.

As I twirled my pasta around my fork, my cell phone rang.

I abanodoned my pasta and went over to my black purse which was on the bed. I pulled my phone out and looked at the screen, not recognizing the number. I flipped the phone open.

"Hello?" I asked, curious.

"Mrs. Matthews?" a somewhat familiar voice asked.

"Yes?"

"This is Lily, Shawn's . . ."

"Oh, Lily, hi."

I'd met Lily when Shawn had introduced her to us. She was the most current of Shawn's girlfriends.

"Hi, um, where are you?"

"I'm at a hotel."

"Ok which one?"

I gave her the name of the hotel.

"Are, is everything ok back there?" I asked.

"Yes. Well, it's hard on Morgan. Since the 2 of you left, Eric's had to put in more time at the store."

"Oh. I feel bad about just abruptly leaving like that."

"But sometimes it needs to be done. I understand. But just, make sure you come back eventually. ok?"

"Ok Lily. I.....I will."

"Bye Mrs. Matthews."

"Bye."

We hung up and I returned to my dinner.


	40. Isabella

It was around 9 at night; I was sitting by myself at the hotel's piano bar, wearing a long black dress. Gauzy cream colored curtains had been pulled over the big picture windows that made up one wall of the large room. The pianist was playing old familiar dressed men and women were sitting in the chairs and at the bar, which was several feet to my left. I was sitting severak feet from the piano's side in a low square white leather chair. There was a low table and then another chair. There were several more set up in the room. A large glass of red wine I had ordered a few minutes ago was resting on the table between the 2 chairs, one of which I was sitting in. The piano was large and dark, the pianist a short round man dressed in a tux. I knew, without looking, that it was a perfectly clear night.

A tall, thin woman came into the room, or maybe it was her dress that made her look so. Her dress was beautiful, an asian style with a high collar, long, to the floor, with red flowers and piping. Her skin was tan, her eyes and hair dark. Her hair, long, straight and thick.

She came over to the empty seat on the other side of the table.

"Is this seat reserved?" she asked in a thick Spanish accent.

My right hand indicated the seat.

"No, please, sit," I told her, trying to be friendly.

"Thank you."

She sat down and placed her glass of chardonnay on the table between us.

"Nice night," I remarked.

"Yes, it is."

"Enjoying the music?"

"Yes, you?"

"Yes."

"But where I come from, it has different words and is played differently."

"Oh. And where is that?"

"Mexico."

"I thought so."

"And you, where are you from?"

"Oh right here."

"Oh. Can I buy you a drink?" she asked.

"Well actually, I already have one......" I quickly realised I didn't know her name.

"Isabella. Or Lola."

"Why the 2?"

"In Vegas, I was a showgirl. that was my stage name, I think theyd call it?"

I nodded, picking up my glass of wine.

"Oh. I already have one," I told her.

"Oh, so you do. Can I buy you the next one?"

"We'll see."

"Alrite."

She settled back into her chair as I took a sip of wine.

"I'm Amy, by the way," I said.

She merely nodded, lost in the music.

Her shoes were black dress sandals, with a 2 inch heel and straps going in one direction over the top of her feet. Morgan or Ashley would like her shoes.

"My daughters would like your shoes," I mentioned.

"Daughters?"

"Yes. I have 3. And 3 sons."

"Wow."

"What about you?"

"Oh I don't have any children."

"Oh."

I set my glass back on the table.

"Was?" I asked.

"Hmm?" Isabella returned.

"You mentioned you were a showgirl in Vegas. What happened?"

"Oh. It's a long story."

"Oh. Well, would it help if I told you some of mine?"

Isabella nodded; "yes, a bit."

"Ok well, about a week ago my husband left me."

"He just, left?"

"Yes. After hitting me and 1 of my 3 daughters."

"Oh wow."

"And then, after awhile, I was tired of always having to be the strong one so I......."

"You left as well."

"Yes. I did."

Isabella picked up her wine and leaned closer to me, her perfume catching the air.

"Let me ask you something Amy," she said.

"Ok."

"Have you ever been with a woman?"

"Um, well, wow. A few times in high school and college. You know, just experimenting.......and ohh."

She inched closer, looking at me, her brown eyes large; "No, I mean. Have you ever _really_ been with a woman?"


	41. Lily

**Lily**

The first 2 people I'd met when I'd moved to Philedelphia were Cory and Shawn. That day in the cafeteria, Cory had been taken aback by my luminous beauty, as is everyone who sees me. When Shawn and I went on our first date, I got the impression he wasn't used to having so much, being a person of limited means. He and I had talked about our families; I told him my mother had died very long ago, later revealing that she had died in a fire. What I hadn't told him was that the fire was set by James and my father, while I was away in Paris, a city I'd visited many times with my mother. My dad had never liked my mother. They had argued time and time again but never filed for divorce. Hed' hurt her deeply. He wanted her out of the way so that he could do to me what he'd done to her.

They both came from wealthy families and it was his charm that she first fell in love with, quickly realising that this was just a cover for the man he truly was.

This was why I'd left. I'd packed up all my things and bought a one way ticket to the states, never planning to return to London and not sure where exactly I was going. James had come with me, reluctantly. I had wanted to keep an eye on him. As it turned out, we'd ended up in Philedelphia, and I'd met Shawn and Cory while James met Morgan.

After Shawn and Cory, the next people I met were Cory's family. Josh and Hannah were so cute, but even I know how quickly children grow. Ashley was off in her room, as was Morgan. Mr Matthews, at the time, had been very nice but maybe that too was just a cover. Mrs. Matthews was wonderful, reminding me a lot of my own mother. Warm, welcoming, friendly, open, though certainly not as vain.

A few days after our date, Shawn had come to my house. He knew where it was, as the night we'd had our first date, after taking me home, my driver had taken Shawn home. I'd welcomed Shawn openly, knowing he needed a place to stay for the night. He immediatly felt comfortable in my huge house. He told me I'd make a great mother, which stung, a bit. Morgan had come over the following day, her face bruised. Shawn asked what happened; Morgan informed us that her dad had hit her, which I related to very well.

The morning after that day, Shawn woke up with a hangover. I knew exactly what to do, as my father would often come home from bars, pass out and wake up with a hangover the net day. My mother was half Parisian and grew up in a very small Parisian flat with her mother, paying the rent by being promiscious in one of the several red lights districts, as the French are known for, one of the many things. My mother also posed for artists in Montmarte.

Shawn had been staying with me for some time now. A few days ago, Wednesday, we'd brought Morgan to her house after she'd passed out at school from James hitting her.

My cousin Ian and I were in Morgan's room while Shawn was downstairs, having it out with my brother. When Morgan woke up, she was very confused as to how she got there and how Ian and I knew each other, which we filled her in on. As it turned out, Ian worked at a nearby movie theater and had quickly become friends with Morgan. Ian and I both knew about James and I'd told Morgan that day to be careful.


	42. Ashley: Thoughts

**Ashley**

Ever since Thursday morning a few weeks ago, Dad had gone insane. He started lashing out...hitting us. We didn't quite know what was wrong with them, but late at night Morgan and I had heard our parents talking of bipolar...arguing, rather. Eric, up untill Dad left, had stayed at his girlfriend's place. But he'd come back now and then, every few days, to bring us groceries and such. I knew Hannah, at age 13, had to have known something of what was going on between Mom and Dad. Josh, age 15, was already asleep. Ballet and being at Lorelei's were my only escapes. That, and cheerleading took up all of my time. I'd rather be at Lorelei's, ballet or cheerleading than my place.

We'd all had to step up since Dad had up and left, and then Mom. Eric put in more time at the store and Morgan, when she got up, started on breakfast, which used to be Mom's job. I never ate breakfast much any more. I was up at 5 and at ballet by 7. School started at 9, then cheerleading from 3 - 4, and ballet from 6 - 8. The only meal I really had time for was lunch. Often times I'd dinner eat at Lorelei's, after ballet. She was really sweet but had more than her fair share of problems, namely her mother, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth was, in one word, broken. It was so sad. I didn't know what had happened to make her this way. It was more like Lorelei was the parent, the one taking care of things. Which she was and had been for quite some time.


	43. Stacey

**Stacey**

"Hi what can I get you?" I asked, coming over to a family of 4.

It was 5 at night and a crowd of people had just come into the restuaraunt where I worked. It was always busy at this hour, which was our busiest.

I had my white pad ready and waiting, my black pen poised in the air.

The woman had dark curly hair with red bottle earrings and a little too much mascara on her eyes. She was wearing a dark, button up, floral dress with short cap sleeves and white buttons. Her husband, a tall man with long, amber hair and blue eyes, was wearing a business suit. He looked several years younger than her. They had 2 blonde boys around my youngest sister Charlotte's age, 9.

The woman looked up at me.

"Hi I'll have the....." then down at her burgundy colored menu; "fetticine."

"Oh, good choice."

"And I would like the..." the man said, in a deep, smooth, sauve voice; "well darlin what's your number?"

"And for you 2?" I asked the boys, ignoring their father.

"We want pasta we want pasta!" they said.

"Ok what kind?"

"Mac and cheese mac and cheese!"

"Ok."

I wrote this down on my pad.

"He'll have the rosotto," the woman told me, speaking for her husband.

"I can speak for myself Jill," the man said.

She turned to him; "yeah well you're supposed to be ordering food _not_ the waitress."

She looked at me; "I'm sorry about that hun."

I smiled; "it's alrite. What about drinks?"

"Coke coke!" the boys chorused.

The mom looked at them; "no, you're having juice. You've had too much sugar today."

"They'll have juice," she told me.

"Ok and for you 2?" I asked, writing this down.

"I'll have a glass of chardonnay," the man said.

"Ok and for you?" I asked the woman.

"Can I see your wine menu? I'll need a few minutes."

"Sure, of course."

I reached behind me and grabbed a smaller menu of the same color, placing it on the white linen tablecloth in front of the woman.

I went to the next table, an older couple, in their 60's.

"Hi I'm Stacey and I'll be your waitress tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink or an appetizer?" I asked them.

"Yes, do you have coffee?" the woman asked me.

"It'll be right out. And for you sir?" I asked the man.

"Tea, green."

"Ok. Have you decided what you want to eat or do you need more time?"

"We need more time dear," the woman said, looking up at me.

"Ok."

I left, and walked across the large resturaunt through the swinging white doors of the kitchen.

"What do we need, Stacey?" a cook named Mario asked.

"2 pastas at table 4. 2 small mac and cheese, a risotto and a fettecini," I told him.

"Ok coming right up."


	44. end of the night

It was the end of the night, several hours later and we were closing up the resturaunt, collecting our tips for the night. tThe other waitresses and i had just left the kitchen. I was walking out the swinging green front doors when a white car pulled up and parked in a parking spot. The door to the driver's side opened and the woman I'd served earlier got out, dressed in a long black wool coat. The night was dark and cold.

"Um, miss, the resturant is closed for the night you'll have to come back tomorrow," I called to her.

"That's not what I'm here for," she told me, walking up onto the sidewalk.

"Oh it's.....not?" I asked.

"No hun. I'm here to bring you this," she told me, reaching into her black leather purse and pulling out a 20 dollar bill.

"I....I can't take this," I told her.

"I wanted to apologise for my husband earlier tonight. He's been doing that all evening. He's a workaholic so I don't know what happens during the day when he's at work."

"But.......I mean......I can't take the money. That's very generous of you though."

She put it in my hand, closing her fingers around mine.

"Buy some dinner for yourself hun. You look like you could use it," she told me.

"Oh well th thank you, I guess. If you insist."

She smiled warmly; "I do."

"Wow thank you so much."

"Your'e very welcome. I'm Jill by the way."

"I'm Stacey."

"I hope to see you soon Stacey. _Without_ my husband."

She turned from me, got in her car and drove off.


	45. Chapter 38

In front of me, where Jill's car had been, pulled up another car, a smaller black one. The driver's side window rolled down.

"Stacey, hun!" my friend June called out the window.

"Yeah?" I called back.

"Need a ride? Get in."

"Sure."

I walked to the other side of the car, opened the door, got in, closed the door and put on my seatbelt. June locked the doors.

"Hey," she said, looking at me.

"Hi," I said.

"Where do ya wanna go? Home or...?"

"Dinner I want dinner."

June laughed; "after being around food all day I wouldn't think youd want to be around it."

"Yeah well I'm pretty hungry. You know I get very few breaks."

"Mmhmm that I do. How was work?"

"Um ok."

June was a beautiful Asian, about my age, 20, who worked downtown.


	46. Chapter 39

"Sierra!" I called, banging open the door of the trailer, "I got dinner!"

The door banged shut behind me as I put the bags of dinner on the table.

"Sierra?" I asked.

"Mmm Stacey?" my sister asked.

"Yeah?"

"I need to go to the hospital," she told me.

Damn.

"Are you in labor?" I asked.

"I. I don't know but I feel horrible. I'm having really bad labor pains."

"Ok um........what about Charlotte?"

"Oh. Right."

I opened the front door.

"Hey June!" I called.

"Yeah?" she called back.

After we'd picked up dinner June hadn't driven straight back to her house.

"Can you come in here please?"

"Yeah sure."

Within a few minutes she'd arrived in the trailer.

"Hey," she said breathlessly; "whatsup hun?"

"Well Sierra's not feeling well, she's having awful labor pains and I need to stay here with Charlotte. Can you take her?"

"Yeah sure."

"Thank you so much."

She walked past me and into Sierra's small room.

"Hi Sierra," I heard her say; "I'm June, a friend of your sister's. Since she has to stay here with Charlotte, I'm going to drive you to the hospital. Ok?"

Sierra mumbled something inaudible.


	47. Chapter 40

After June and Sierra left I checked on Charlotte, who was already asleep, then went outside. It was a relatively quiet night, dark, cold and clear. I sat down on the cement steps of our trailer, and looked at the stars.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure, about Charlotte's height. I couldn't tell if it was real or not. After my long day of waitressing I was very tired as anyone would be. When you're this tired, you're not sure if what you're seeing you're actually seeing.

The figure slowly walked in front of me. I saw that not only was it real it was also female.

"Ex exscuse me?" I asked her.

She looked at me.

"Have you seen my mom?"

"No I haven't who's your mom?"

"Lily."

"Oh. No, haven't seen her, sorry."

The figure started to walk away, then turned and looked at me.

"Wait," she said.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Do you know someone named Shawn?"

"Um yes.........Shawn.......Hunter?"

"Hunter yeah that's it."

"Yeah he's my brother. Why do you ask?"

"I think he knows Lily. I mean, my mom."

"Oh wow."

"Is Shawn here?"

"No honey he's not. What's your name?"

"Rosalie."

"I'm Stacey."

"Hi."

"Hi. Are you hungry? I have some food if you want dinner."

"Yeah I kind of am, actually. Do you know when Shawn will be back?"

"I actually don't."

"Oh."

"Well, come inside."

"Ok."

Rosalie followed me into the trailer.


	48. Chapter 41

After I was done writing I heard a knock on my door. I looked up.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Morgan it's me. Ok if I come in?" Eric asked.

"Um. Yeah sure," I told him hiding my diary in my top desk drawer.

He opened the door and came in.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Um yeah why?"

"Well for one thing," he said leaning against the door, "you haven't been as talkative. You've been out a lot."

"Yeah I've been with James," I replied.

"James?"

"My boyfriend."

"Oh."

He noticed the cuts on my hand; "what happened to your hand?"

"I fell," I answered automatically.

"Ok. You usually talk a lot more. Is something bothering you?"

"uhm…..yeah."

More than he knew.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Ok well you know where to find me."

"Yeah thanks."

"Sure."

"I think I'm gonna go over to Shawn's for a bit."

"Ok."

He left.

Ashley came in.

"Morgan good. Just the person I wanted to see," she told me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

She closed the door behind her.

"The other day while you were getting dressed-" she began.

"You caught me getting dressed? Omygod!" I was shocked.

"No. I was walking by and you had the door open."

"Oh."

"I thought I saw bruises on your-"

"No Ashley you didn't," I told her; "I gotta go."

"Um. Ok."

"There's a girl in my ballet class whose sister's boyfriend hits her."

"Ashley."

"What?"

"Nothing happened. This doesn't concern you."

I left.

On the way down the hall I tripped not watching where I was going.

"ohh," I said as I fell.

"You ok?" josh asked.

"Yeah I'm fine just fell."

"Um."

Then I got it. I followed his gaze down to my bare arm where there was a bruise. I pulled my sleeve over it embarrassed.

"cuz if you wanted I could like, you know. Give them a piece of my mind," josh told me.

"No I'm good. Thanks though," I told him getting up.

I went down the stairs into the kitchen where Hannah was.

"Hey Morgan?" she asked me.

"Yeah hun?"

"Would you get me a cup out of the cabinet? I'd get it myself but I'm tired."

"Ok sure."

I opened the cabinet and reached up to the top shelf.

"This one?" I asked.

"Yeah that's the one. Thanks."

I took down the cup set it on the counter and closed it.

"Anything else?" I asked turning back around.

"No that'll be all."

"Ok."

Mom came into the kitchen.

"Morgan whatdaya want for dinner?" she asked.

"Nothing mom I'll be at Shawn's for a bit," I told her.

"Ok."

She peered at me; "what happened to your eye?"

"What?"

"Your eye. It's…all different colors."

Omygod.

"I fell I'll be fine."

"Ok. If you're sure."

I smiled; "I am."

"Have a good time at Shawn's."

God it was hard to get anywhere without someone interrupting you.

I went upstairs to the bathroom where I closed and locked the door. I gingerly put concealer over the bruise around my eye which I'd gotten when jams had hit me with a beer bottle. I then went back downstairs.

"Morgan," Cory called from the kitchen.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Will you help me put away the groceries?"

"Ok."

I came into the kitchen and took a grocery bag from Cory's arm setting it on the counter. He set the other bag down. We started taking groceries out of the bags and setting them on the counter.

"Thanks," he said.

"Sure," I returned.

As I reached into the bag to get out more groceries my sleeve came up revealing a bruise. I quickly took out the groceries and set it on the counter embarrassed Cory had seen. I took out more groceries. The moment passed between us. He didn't say anything but we felt that moment between us felt the awkwardness of it.

"I, have to go," I told him.

"Ok. Will you be home for dinner?"

"No I don't think so."

"Ok I'll tell mom."

"She already knows."

"Oh. Ok."

I then went back upstairs down the hall and to the bathroom where I closed and locked the door. Sitting against it I took out my razorblade and pushed up my sleeve revealing all the bruises. I cut around them making bruise shaped cuts. I put the razorblade back in its film canister stood unlocked and opened the door and went downstairs again and into the living room where my dad was reading the newspaper. I was just about to leave when….

"Morgan," dad said.

"Yeah?" I asked turning back around.

"Are you alrite? You're moving kinda slowly."

I was moving slowly because the cuts and bruises hurt.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just you know. Cramps."

"Oh. Can I do anything?"

"No."

"Ok."

I left heading over to Shawn's.


	49. Chapter 42

**Monday**

**Sierra**

I was sitting in 1st period when the teacher looked at me.

"Sierra," he said.

"Yes?" I said, looking up at him.

"You have a phone call."

"Oh, ok."

"You'll need to go to the office."

"Ok."

I stood up slowly, made my way out the class, down the hall, down the stairs and into the first floor office where I picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hi Sierra," a woman's raspy smooth voice said.

"Hi..."

I wondered who it was.

"This is your mother."

"Um. Wow. Where are you?"

"In rehab."


End file.
